weekend photos

betty on the way to pat & gary's..

friday night home practice

greenergy smoothie after saturday class & practice

(look at that gorgeous sky!)

it turned out to be a very nice weekend of house-sitting, movie watching (watched Ira & Abby - loved it!- and Jesus Camp - scary and totally biased), practicing, reading (Guruji) and eating way too much. and like a college student, i totally use my parents' house as a laundry mat.  ha.  ;)

i could really become addicted to that smoothie.

i told my folks i needed new pillows for my bday, but i really need a juicer.
time to start dropping really obvious hints...

resume writing

sucks.

it just does.

i know i 'need' a 'real' job.  (for now)

but seriously, when you find what you love to do, the suckiness of everything else becomes all the more apparent.

whatevs.

why can't i just teach yoga?

sati said i need to change my perspective... alter it so that i don't focus on the crapiness of working, but see it as a means to an end.

so... yeah... that's what i'm working toward...

i'd just so much rather be practicing my dvi pada sirsasana.  ;P

home sweet home

mysore w sati, part 1

dream, dream, dream, dreeeeee-eam

i had a dream that was so real last night that when my alarm went off (at 4-something) this morning, i thought i can't practice ashtanga today - i just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl merely hours ago (unwed, in a hotel bathroom, in labor for about 5 min. i named her jane.  she looked just like micole.  she was jp's baby, but who knows where he was.)  and so now i'm on maternity leave (obvs), so everyone would send me home if i went to work. i'll go back to sleep, i guess.



and then i rolled over, and it was 6:30. my place of employment is 14 miles away. my shift begins at 7.

i left my work badge at home, but i know where it is.

i do not know where my glasses are. :(

mondays, eh?




yesterday, as it turns out, was not a monday. niether was the day before. those days happened to fall on the weekend. those days were good.

saturday: taught 1 hr all levels flow, assisted my last mysore w sati (hopefully, it will turn out to NOT be my LAST), practiced (even did dropbacks alone), hung w my fam, retrieved miss betty from their care, chatted w roomie about the meaning and difficulties of "life", slept.


sunday: made it to full primary, went grocery shopping, washed clothes, cleaned, chatted w roomie, intense phone conversations w my yoga bud and w guy, had complete emotional breakdown, survived, napped, snuggled w miss betty, watched becoming jane, noshed on sweet potato/black bean deliciousness, gazed at sunset, missed jp terribly, slept.


overslept.


while very little reading was accomplished, updating my resume was forgotten and meditation did not happen, i think it was beautiful over all... now to play catch up on all those other things...

gainesville eats

briefly:  i have been traveling to gainesville every evening with my pal Dana to attend a week of Mysore with David Keil.  it's been amazing.  we've been trying out different lil eateries in the evenings, post-ashtanga.  (we've decided we deserve it after our grueling 2 hour asana practices.)

monday:  the jones
no picture, but D had a falafel burger & mint lemonade, i had their stop light sammy (goat cheese, roasted bell peppers, squash) & raspberry/rose petal iced tea.  we halved and swapped our sandwiches and enjoyed fresh summer fruit on the side.  it was divine.  lots of veggie/vegan options (including cupcakes!) and organic wines... there were a man and lady sitting on the bar - he was playing a ukulele, she was playing guitar & singing the good stuff - tom petty, fleetwood mac, etc.  we hope to go back tonight... maybe i'll actually get some photos.  ;)  [recommended by none other than DK.]

tuesday:  subway
they have avocado now!  and they didn't disappoint... we were in a hurry & tired, so we didn't much care that this one wasn't a 'special' place.  it was tasty, quick & healthy(ish).  you don't need a photo of my veggie sub, as good as it was.

wednesday:  burrito bros
oh.my.gah.  we both had the sweet potato burrito.  go there now.  i don't care where you are.  you can order them online.  do it.  you will thank yourself, and me, and the heavens above.  [recommended by my friend & fellow yogi, Danny.]



thursday:  satchel's
holy salad, batman.  this thing changed my life.  and the pizza hit the spot!  the crust was perfect.  it reignited my desire to learn to make the perfect pizza crust at home.  everyone (incl the restaurant themselves) says the food takes a long time to make, but because we got there so late, we didn't have to wait long at all.  we'd driven by this place several times & i kept oohing and aahing at the decor - strung lights, flora literally taking over, installation art in the parking lot and dripping from every corner of the place.  they have a broken down van with picnic tables installed in it.  so cute.  loved it.  just wish i had more pics.  [recommended by D's friend, Susie.]

huh?

sometimes i feel:
chubby
lonely
weak
unattractive
undisciplined
too serious
unintelligent
haughty
depressed
poor
unaccomplished
uneducated
overwhelmed
like a complete failure
disheartened


... and then i remember:
everything is temporary
beauty is not appearance
i am valuable
i am strong
i am a work in progress
i am love
i am loved
i survive
i have all my fingers and toes
(and the ability to roll my tongue)
i am inhabited by God; i am His dwelling
i must empty to become filled


and i remind myself of things that make this life truly beautiful:
vanilla, chamomile, lavender
windows down, music up
writing
a page turning
discovering new likes/loves
learning
whole grain bread + goat cheese + honey
yoga
banjos and harmonicas
freshly shampooed pup
heated debates & bouts of laughter
the rising sun
loose leaf tea
poetry & classical literature
meditation & chanting
antique books
candle light
hugs
being read to
fresh summer fruit
the sound, smell, taste, touch & sight of rain
the pause before a kiss
hand-knits



today makes little sense.
i'm going with it.

bhakti love - to you, to all

The bhakti path winds in a delicate way.

On this path there is no asking and no not asking.
The ego simply disappears the moment you touch
him.

The joy of looking for him is so immense that you
just dive in,
and coast around like a fish in the water.
If anyone needs a head, the lover leaps up to offer
his.

- kabir

where do you search me

i feel a deepening urge to search. 

a thirst for knowledge,

not of the head,

but deeper.

in my belly.

i'm engulfed with a sense of something...

looming?

many emails written, unsent.

many of them sent, but even still, unfinished.

the necessary things have been clarified.

rightfully so.

sometimes space is needed so that we may grow to fill the space.

sometimes it's wanted so that we feel able to breathe again.

i want this space,

this time,

this opportunity

to grow

my faith.

i am weak, but Thou art strong.

Where do you search me?

I am with you

Not in pilgrimage, nor in icons

Neither in solitudes

Not in temples, nor in mosques

Neither in Kaba nor in Kailash

I am with you O man

I am with you

Not in prayers, nor in meditation

Neither in fasting

Not in yogic exercises

Neither in renunciation

Neither in the vital force nor in the body

Not even in the ethereal space

Neither in the womb of Nature

Not in the breath of the breath

Seek earnestly and discover

In but a moment of search

Says Kabir, Listen with care

Where your faith is, I am there.

- kabir

holding on

We need, in love, to practice only this:

letting each other go.

For holding on comes easily;

we do not need to learn it.

-rainer maria rilke