taking a break from the cerebral

things i love, the shallow clothing edition:

* cardigans
* ruffles
* ballet flats
** these first three are obvs, as they're lit worn daily, and it was prob not necessary to list.  oh well. **
* toms - and the fact that they're coming out w ballet flats only multiplies my affection
* pleats.  everywhere.
* skinny belts
* scarves.  esp thin, long ones. 
* polka dots
* pink + green combo
* black + white + grey + red combo
* stripes
* yoga pants
* navy blue, anything
* flowers
* change purses - i'm ADDICTED
* darrrrk jeans
* plaid!
* blazers
* hugs.

xo

blink. breathe. remember.

this post changed my life.  or rather, did not but made me this much more conscious.  brought new life to my life.

things are happening.  and yet, here i sit.  with 2 minutes left to blog before my lunch break comes to a close... and so.  in the words of the Terminator, i'll be back.

love.love.

So you think that you've got troubles?

So you think that you've got troubles?
Well, trouble's a bubble,
So tell old Mr. Trouble to "Get lost!".

Why not hold your head up high and,
Stop cryin', start tryin',
And don't forget to keep your fingers crossed.

When you find the joy of livin'
Is lovin' and givin'
You'll be there when the winning dice are tossed.

A smile is just a frown that's turned upside down,
So smile, and that frown will defrost.
And don't forget to keep your fingers crossed!

- lyrics from the dick van dyke show, written by Morey Amsterdam

look what happens.

Even

After

All this time

The Sun never says to the Earth,

"You owe me."

Look

What happens

With a love like that,

It lights the whole sky.
- hafiz

repetition

some days are just like the ones before.

some days have an ongoing theme.

today is already the latter - thrice this morning i've stumbled upon the name charles bukowski.  so, here's a couple of words i'll borrow from him. 
let's see what the rest of today brings, yeah?

xo

“We're all going to die, all of us, what a circus!
That alone should make us love each other but it doesn't.
We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities, we are eaten up by nothing.”

[photo cred]

 

juice of the day:
"apples cover a multitude of greens"

3-4 stalks of celery
1.5 carrots
4-5 kale leaves
2 apples

(measurements are approx due to cutting of produce the evening before,
and blindly shoving things into juicer at ungodly hours of the morning.)

not in the mood for it today.  :(

love is a place...

love is a place

& through this place of
love move
(with brightness of peace)
all places

yes is a world
& in this world of
yes live
(skilfully curled)
all worlds


- ee cummings

how.many.times.

how many times will i suffer through a ragin' (legit) sugar hangover before i learn my binging lession?

omg.  so gross.

treehouse update coming soon...  it was the best 2 days of my life.  i'm moving there. 

{really.  gonna do a 2 month internship before moving to TX.}
details to follow. 

beat the beet up

(jersey shore, anyone?) 

sorry, i couldn't resist. 
dj pauly d is cute marginally less obnoxious than the rest of them, though.

this juice actually grossed me out. 
it looked like blood.
it did not taste awesome.
i've decided i do not care for beets.
(at least, not raw beets.  i'll try again, but i'll roast them, not juice them.)

juice of the day:  beat the beet up

beet root - 1/2 bulb
celery - 2 stalks
carrots - 2
kale leaves - 3
water - 1 c.

i had heard read on blogs/recipes that beets are super sweet and not to over-do it.  WRONG.  i tried to cover up the smell of dirt that was wafting up from the juice with a carrot or two, to no avail.  the results were less than desirable, but i felt good after holding my breath and shooting drinking it.

second time around, i added an apple.  (i had to use the other half of the beet!)  and no celery.  it was better, but still not gonna be my go-to.

you can't win them all.

HBD!

My little baby nugget smunchface puppy breath snuggle monster turns 1 today!

I love you, Miss Betty Rose White!!

xoxo

goodnight, handsome

steve, my love for you will never fade.

i wish you peace and rest... 

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure — these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”



“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it.
Don’t settle.”

- the one and only, Steven Paul Jobs

juice of the day

honeydew (1/3 of whole)
spinach (2 c.)
basil (4-5 leaves)
water (2 c.).

get out of here.  it's so good. 

tomorrow i'm thinking of doing something with that beet i bought... or maybe i'll do another day of fruit.  who knows!



"by letting go it all gets done"
- lao-tzu

work

“The work you do while you procrastinate is probably the work you should be doing for the rest of your life.” -Jessica Hische

Oh, what's that?

reading about yoga practices?  yep.
researching nutrition?  yep.
working on all of that. 

with a bit of knitting on the side, just for kicks.

work? 
huh?
where?
alriiiiiight..  gah..



juice of the day: 

apples (4 tiny ones)
cucumber (1 med)
spinach (uh, some - 2.5 cups-ish)
water (1 c.)

totally addicted to whole grain (really grainy/seedy) bread, darkly toasted, with smooshed avocado & a couple of flecks of freshly cracked pepper.  knock-your-socks-off-good. 

and just while i'm thinking about it, i really hope i am the kind of mom who makes those things for her kid.  simple, delish, lovely, WHOLE foods.  i know it seems so much easier to throw tray of pizza rolls in the oven, but... i just hope...

p.s.  no pics of the pasta bc the leftovers were not as pretty.  or as good... maybe the only pasta in history that doesn't get better the next day?

play time!

more pics from yesterday:

went to Susan's class this morning - it felt sooo good to work out some of the soreness.  my practice was all over the place.  i had to laugh - the whole time.  it was fun and funny and silly and completely the opposite of yesterday's intensity.  wrapped it up with a little paperwork and headed out...

leaving the studio, feeling the brisk autumn air, seeing nothing but blue skies = the perfect sunday.

went to whole foods, spent too much money, got a yummy juice and some "juice".  and omg, i made dinner.  didn't take a photo because i couldn't stop eating it.  so good.  this is so not like me, to be able to just throw things together and have them taste amazing, but holy cow.  seriously.

1/2 red onion, sliced
1 T EVOO
2 (small) zukes, sliced
1 c. whole wheat pasta (i used penne)
2 T goat cheese, crumbled
fresh basil, to taste

i put the onions in a skillet w the evoo and let that go on med/low-ish heat for a while... during which time i was rumaging around, trying to figure out what the heck i was gonna do.  so, maybe about 20 mins?  low and slow... gotta get those onions dark & sweet.  i roasted the zukes, plain in the oven at 500, but next time i'll season them w garlic salt & pepper.  maybe turn it down to 450 (i was impatient at this point).  boiled some water, cooked the pasta al dente, reserving some of the water.  tossed the pasta, onion, zuke & goat cheese together & i did that chiffonade thing to the basil and mixed it in, too.  the cheese melted like a dream.  i only added a spoonful of the pasta water, just to keep things loose.  (made 2 servings)

and then the girl was happy.

i paired it with a glass of red, which i'm sure breaks some kind of food rule, but whatever.  me likey.

bonus:  the fridge was clean.  haha.  ;)

maybe next time i'll throw in some sun-dried tomatoes, maybe a little eggplant... who knows!

i'll have the leftovers tomorrow and try to remember a photo. 

love & light!

yoga fest, year 1

what a beautiful day! everything went better than expected today!  only had 2 students in class, but we really honed in and had a lovely practice.  followed by mysore with sati... my practice was exactly what i needed, even though i didn't know what was in store for me.  i find that more often than not, that tends to be how it goes, yeah?  when you're really truly not looking for the growth/change is when it's plopped right in front of yer face.  i've known for a while that i need to be less judgmental toward myself and my asana practice, but so many times, i just don't see when or how i am criticizing these things.  because i've been given so many new poses from sati, i believe that i'll really have an opportunity to see that in the coming months - and learn the right ways to push myself... learn to listen to my body.  it's hard to know when i need to make myself practice, even when i don't feel like it AND when i need to take rest, even though i want to push through.  hopefully, i can get a handle on this before i get an injury.  i hear way too frequently that this is how ashtangis (and yogis/athletes) learn when to say WHEN.  and when to learn some of the less physical practicies.  i also feel very strongly that this is the universe telling me that the time is now - time to deal with stuff, face some fears, and just get on with it... move through it...  we'll see.  i'm just trusting my teacher on this one - sati, as well as the ultimate teacher - the practice.  also, my asana practice will now be extended in such a way that it will require a greater time commitment from me.  i am so excited for this challenge!  okay, more on this later... on to yoga day!

today was the FIRST ANNUAL yoga day at the riverside arts market!  it was exciting and compelling and wonderful - and we couldn't have dreamed up better weather.  the teachers who set up the tent (while i was teaching) did an excellent job.  everything looked great!  over all, jacksonville raised more than $20k for the Africa Yoga Project -- (currently) more than any other city in the nation!!  WHAAA!!!!
 
 

 

over 180 students showed up for the 108 Sun Salutations lead by 10 of Jax's yoga instructors. 

i can't even properly depict how my heart goes pitter-patter when i see this photo: 

i felt like i was "home", seeing all those people in their yoga attire, mat bags slung over their shoulders, grinning from ear-to-ear.  it was a great time all around. we all really enjoyed reaching out into the community and developing relationships within the network of shalas around town. i made some new friends, and even got in some MORE yoga during the afternoon and played around with a new friend doing some acro-yoga... it was more like an acro-massage... it was totally wonderful.

i could've hung out there all day...  my hips were super sore, i can't imagine i would've been able to walk without this crazy-looking totally uh-maze-ing hip joint massage.

 ok, enough for now... more to come!

baby names

so it appears to me that naming a person is, like, a pretty big freaking deal.  ya know?  i mean, i picked out puppy names before... but golly gee willikers.  a person?  it's so much of how we identify with ourselves and the world around us.  it determines a lot of which jokes will be poked at you in middle school.  or at family functions.  or at work.  or at the doc's office.  i digress.

i REALLY love miss betty's name.  a little dumb for me to use such a rad name for my dog, but i love her little smunchy cute face and her terrible puppy breath and her crooked teeth and wacky einstein hair. 

okay sorry.  too much coffee maybe?  making the ADHD a bit pronounced...

anyhoodles.  i have my baby's name(s) picked out.  because i'm that kind of a chick, man.  i'm a dreamer and a hopeless romantic and omg is my CLOCK TICKING...  babies.babies.babies.  huh?  okay.  right.  names.  <3

i strongly urge you not to steal THAT NAME.  (the name that i'm too afraid of jinxing.  which is why my silly self deleted it.)

i'm looking at you, MO. 

just kiddin', sis. 

but really.  i'm in LURVE with E names right now.  and apparently, so is every.one.else.  at least, those who are being blessed with offspring.

eleanor.  gorgeous.
ellie.  so sweet.
evelyn.  heart.wrenching.beauty.
evangelina.  just stop.

i can't take it anymore!  so much love...

i always thought i wanted boys.  dirty, smelly, rambunctious, loud, playful...

but the idea of braiding hair, painting nails, ruffles, flowers and bows is starting to sound... sweet.

and there i go. drifting off into dreams of the future.  so, for right now, i'm hanging on to the memories we're making now...

last night: the sound of my roommate and our neighbor clinking sangria glasses, laughing and dancing in the living room.  me, reading and working on my yoga stuff while B chews on - god only knows what that is.  calling my love, whispering some half-conscious murmurings of adoration just before i pass out on my lavender scented sheets... all these moments.  the precious few remaining moments of singledom.

explanations

i keep looking for explanations... feeling the desire to provide them - to this friend, to that parent, to myself.

and solutions - sheesh, don't even get me started.

i'll just say this: 
we each have it within ourselves. 
everything. 
galaxies full of love and life and - well... everything.


trying out some of the new blogger settings... maybe i'll change it again.  in a minute.  and again after that.  we'll just have to see.  this one helped me breathe.  just for one second, i imagined myself there, and a weight lifted.

that's all any of this is, really...  my perception, my reaction, my assessment and labeling of where i am, how i feel about it, what i think is happening...  so, for today, i think i'll try to just breathe that sigh of relief when things seem heavy, as they have lately.  i'll just close my eyes, even if only for a blink, and take myself there - to a field, sitting in the dew, embraced by a thick fog, hearing the earth yawn as she begins her day, waiting for the sun to make that first stretch and peek over...

it's funny how everything is so different in the morning. the leaves on the palms are golden. the air feels so pure. even the lake is so settled, there's not a ripple to be found...
 
 

 
futuret, the next few weeks and months of writing will be frustrating to go back and reread.  i'm gonna be working on some things here.  mostly the existential crisis that i'm sludging through... consider that your fair warning...

also, you're going to have to excuse the gratuitous overuse of ellipsis...

GOD = LOVE

your task

is not to seek

for love,

but merely to seek

and find

all the barriers

within yourself

that you

have built

against it.

- rumi

[image]

omg 8006

my guy got me us the omega 8006.

seriously?

unfreakingbelievable.

i'm.so.lucky.

happy anniversary (again) babe!

yay!

many, many juicing updates to come.  

"writing a BLOG"

don't push the river, it flows by itself.
- polish proverb



maybe it's just me, but i don't consider myself a "blogger".

i mean, i get that this is a web log.  clearly.  the host name alone won't let me forget it, eh?  but it's just funny/weird when i hear friends say "...on my/your blog". 

but at the same time, i often feel the urge to edit what i say or how i say it - simply because my words are being placed out there.  somewhere.

and then i try to remember that this is just a place for me to think out loud.  try to figure somethings out.  just a place for me to record a thought or two...  i've always been somewhat of a journal-er.  it's only ever been sporadic, just like my posting here.  i used to give myself a really hard time about it, and sometimes still do - whether it be about this place or even just my little 5-year diary.  "it's been 2 weeks since i wrote in my diary, i MUST be better about it".  but i think that for it to really be meaningful, it should be organic.  and just as in life, the thoughts and words come in spurts... an ebb and flow...  at times there seems to be so much to say, so many thoughts to think, so many quotes and moments to ponder, circumstances to digest...  and other times, there is only quiet.

the calm can be just as swollen with growth as the storm, if you listen.

i occasionally go back and read through old journals.  old web logs, too.  it's funny and silly to see my words as if for the first time.  it makes me wonder...

how i'll receive this post when i reread years from now.

and so, i am looking for my voice.  the real sounds of the thoughts that move through my skull.  i long to put all of that down somewhere - tangible.  to be revisited.  relived. 

it requires a new level of honesty.  a theme that is continually circling in my thoughts.  i feel like yoga is redefining what honesty means to me - beginning to show me things of myself that i haven't yet - seen?  acknowledged?  realized?  not sure what the right word would be here... 

i don't necessarily feel like i'm a LIAR.  i just want to be the most authentic i can be - in every possible moment.  to be present, transparent.

and yet mindful.

seems like such a contradiction sometimes, but i'd like to learn how to be so mindful that the authenticity is inevitable.

so, future ret (futuret - ha), when you read this, know that there will be times when i make a statement or express an idea that is in direct conflict with another thought i've uttered.  but it's all in an effort to grow.  a process i'm coming to see isn't linear.  not at all.  and so why should i experience this life as such?  i'm just going to go with it.  (well, i'll try to, anyway.)

random

i realized this morning that NO, my favorite grey sweater is not here or there - it's gone.  i lost it to the best weekend ever.  and i'm ok with that for a number of reasons.  a) if that's the worst thing that happens this week, meh.  2) who doesn't love shopping for a new cardi?  cardi's are the best.  that's why i have too many, and should never be allowed to purchase another.  unless something terribly unfortunate occurs, such as the loss of my fave grey one.  ha.  ;)

also, oscar, i love you.

new breakfast love:  flat out wrap w egg whites & tempeh bacon.  so friggin good & filling & hopefully will prevent the mid-morning snackage that's been more sugar than substance.  which reminds me, i am gonna give up sugar again one of these days.  i've never had a problem before, but these last 2 months have been crazy - filled with brownies and muffins and cakes - oh my!  (not to mention things i have convinced myself are healthy, thank you very much granola bars.)  friday is food day at work, so that's gonna be out the window.  i'm thinking of making gooey butter cake (sometimes known as chess bars/squares) or carrot (cup)cakes.  basically, something with cream cheese.  ya know, to keep it healthy.

i have so many topics i want to write about.  so many, in fact that none of them are happening.  go fig.

HAPPY HUMP DAY, LOVERS!

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”
- oscar wilde

giving up

one of these days

i am

i really am

going to give up

granola bars.

but it ain't today!

food!

So, I've been really digging the flavors of the mediterranean lately.  I'm in love with chickpeas and tomatoes and have been indulging myself lots lately...  it's been super easy to make this marinated concoction* and just let it chill (haha) in the fridge so that when I rush in the door after my late class, hangry as all get out, I can scoop it onto a bed of spinach and nosh immediately.

*thrown together as follows:
- 2 c. garbanzos (I use from dried, but def rinse if you use canned)
- 1 large tomato, cubed
- 1 large cuke, peeled, seeded & cubed
- 1/4 red onion, diced
- 1/2 c. black olives, sliced
- juice of 1/2 lemon (or whole if not juicy)
- herbs (I used parsley, herbs de provence)

 this is my first (not-super-awesome) attempt at spinach salad.  i love spinach.  i always see spinach salads on restaurant menus with bacon vinaigrette and i want them and i can't have them.  this one was just spinach, apple, bacon, red bell pepper & a lil red onion.  second attempt was better.  see below.

lunch at native sun with gary!  <3  baked tofu w coulis was super delish.  side of minted zuke was lovely.  and the company really made the meal.  :)

yay!  BLT salad with egg whites & red onion!  so much better!  love it!  want to eat it every day!!

well, how'd this get in here??  this was my super-fantastic pre-birthday birthday cake...  my baby's momma made it for me & brought it into the office...  key lime cake.  there wasn't a piece left - we all devoured it.  (it's old news, but i really wanted to get it in here.)

my boyfriend's back!

...well, almost.

he'll be here in like 13.5 hours.

and counting.

i wonder if he's bringing the 'stash w him.

i sure hope so.

3 YEARS

thanks for the best three years of my whole life, man.

you are my rock.

i love you.

xoxo

scribbled

... on the back of some scrap paper in my purse:

i am committed

to the practice

of

LOVE.

this starts with

me.

with loving me.

the Buddha says

"You yourself,

as much as anybody in the entire universe,

deserve your love and affection."

i do.

i deserve my love.

how is this such a novel concept?

let's all put this into practice,

shall we?

xo

4 days.

i can't wait.

p.s.  can you spot my goiter?

(a:  yes)

confession: the present

so much i happening.
and i find that i am planning for the future and "trying to get things ready".

i do this all the time.

avoid the present to live in the future:
"it is all going to work out."

i am grasping for what we will become. 
to the moment when i'll fall asleep listening to the rhythm of his breath.

i'm clinging to the past with white-knuckled-locked-tighter-than-tight-fists.
to the memory of seeing his eyes sparkle when he laughs.

i kid myself into believing that these ways of thinking make these moments
- this moment -
that we are apart... easier?

and yet, i know i am causing myself suffering.

not because i am missing him so desperately.
but because i'm robbing myself of this.moment.

and that is all i have. 
it is all any of us has.

i'm working on it, yeah?

xo

“One day at a time--this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering."

p.s.  still working toward getting my prereqs inline for the college deal.  ;)

siddhasana

"just as moderate diet is the most important of the yamas, and non-violence, of the niyamas, so the siddhas know that siddhasana is the most important of the asanas."  hatha yoga pradipika 1:38

finally starting the process of going back to school.  again.  this time, with a goal in mind.  :)

treehouse!

I'm really wishing that our trip to the Hostel in the Forest hadn't gotten bumped.  Trying not to be too sad about it, I'm humming this song right along today and dreaming of other treehouses... and the time of year when I wouldn't fry to death in my sleep.  :)  All things happen the way they should, eh?

Happy Labor Day!

http://www.treehousepoint.com/

I have built a treehouse
I have built a treehouse
Nobody can see us
it's a you and me house

I've been climbing rocks and stones
been collecting broken bones
I've been swimming across the lakes
just to find this perfect place
I got lost into the woods
I've been covered up in mud
I've been going through a lot
just to find this perfect spot

Daily OM - 9/1/11

You Are Who You Are, Not What You Do

Becoming Your Wrong Decisions

We are not our decisions and no decision is wrong because we made the choice with the information at hand.

Our perception of the traits and characteristics that make us who we are is often tightly intertwined with how we live our life. We define ourselves in terms of the roles we adopt, our actions and inactions, our triumphs, and what we think are failures. As a result it is easy to identify so strongly with a decision that has resulted in unexpected negative consequences that we actually become that “wrong” decision. The disappointment and shame we feel when we make what we perceive as a mistake grows until it becomes a dominant part of our identities. We rationalize our “poor” decisions by labeling ourselves incompetent decision-makers. However, your true identity cannot be defined by your choices. Your essence—what makes you a unique entity—exists independently of your decision-making process.

There are no true right or wrong decisions. All decisions contribute to your development and are an integral part of your evolving existence yet they are still separate from the self. A decision that does not result in its intended outcome is in no way an illustration of character. Still, it can have dire effects on our ability to trust ourselves and our self-esteem. You can avoid becoming your decisions by affirming that a “bad decision” was just an experience, and next time you can choose differently. Try to avoid lingering in the past and mulling over the circumstances that led to your perceived error in judgment. Instead, adapt to the new circumstances you must face by considering how you can use your intelligence, inner strength, and intuition to aid you in moving forward more mindfully. Try not to entirely avoid thinking about the choices you have made, but reflect on the consequences of your decision from a rational rather than an emotional standpoint. Strive to understand why you made the choice you did, forgive yourself, and then move forward.

A perceived mistake becomes a valuable learning experience and is, in essence, a gift to learn and grow from. You are not a bad person and you are not your decisions; you are simply human.
 
Today's DailyOM
 
I thought this one was especially meaningful.  I then wrote a lengthy commentary and decided that sometimes, enough is enough.  I'll save all that for another day.  ;)

go for it

I have learned, that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams,

and endeavors to live the life he has imagined,

he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.

- Henry David Thoreau

golden birthday

went to full primary.

took miss betty over to mom & dad's house.

had baked ziti & salad for lunch.

baked this beauty of a cake w mom.

went through old boxes of books from the barn.

found some of my old, old diaries...

read them aloud.

favorites of the day included exerpts from my gratitude journal.

"i am thankful for the rain that waters the land"

"i am thankful for the trees, lakes and flowers"

i was a hippie all along.  ;)

then we had blueberry pancakes for dinner.

it doesn't get any better than that.

thanks, mom and dad.

for everything.

all my love, always.

bg

'the goal'

The goal

is to cultivate in our hearts the concern a dedicated mother feels for her child,

and then focus it on more and more people and living beings.

This is a heartfelt, powerful love.

Such feelings give us a true understanding of human rights

that is not grounded just in legal terms,

but rooted deeply in

the heart.

- his holiness, the 14th Dalai Lama

  

(reposted from elephant journal)



a letter

dear pecan butter,

breakfast is already my favorite meal of the day, but you have made this a most auspicious time.  i feel that my taste buds have died and gone to the heavens above.  the last bite of my honey whole wheat english muffin was devastating.  my attachment to your presence in my life has become overwhelming, and i can only manage to charge onward through the salads and shakes of the day, because i know you'll be waiting for me tomorrow morning.

you seriously rock my face off.  i don't care how much pecans cost, i will slave through whatever may come our way to ensure we are together always. 

your most adoring fan,
me

p.s.  i may have breakfast again.  because i can.  muah-ah-ah-aaaaah

the road not taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

- robert frost

the classics are the best.

shake, shake, shake...

so, my friend, "swami" let me borrow his omega juicer and i've been really enjoying the heck outta this thing.  i mentioned that i made pecan nut butter but i didn't much get into the juicer.  this guy is quiet, and so easy to clean.  i've really loved it.

i made cantaloupe juice (mixed w berry flavored vega), apple juice (w vanilla chai vega) and grapefruit/apple juice.  i am seriously loving the juice.  over this past weekend, i watched fat, sick and nearly dead.  consequentially i was all the more driven to the juice.  in addition to being tasty, drinking fresh juice really gives the ole immune system a boost, increases vitamin/enzyme intake, helps with mental clarity and about a million other awesome things.  i'm hooked!  :)  i'm all about the green monsters, too!  in fact, i'd actually been struggling with the decision to take the leap and purchase my own juicer.  (swami actually let me borrow his in effort to encourage me to make the right decision about which one to get.  i'm still torn.  i want to check out the breville's, too.) 

last night i actually started getting a migraine... sad face.  i haven't had one of those in months.  the daily yoga & meditation practice have really made a difference.  and experimenting with veganism as well as the short-term juice fast were both highly influential.  but there were a couple of days in my recent history when i went a little too hard on myself - trying to cram everything into 24 hours can sometimes do that to us.  interpersonal conflicts can sometimes stress out those of us who just want everyone to BE HAPPY (and feel it's our job to make that dream a reality).  so, by yesterday afternoon, things were getting a little... tense.  anyway, i got in the kitchen, mixed up a banana/almond butter/chocolate vega shake, did a short 15-min meditation, prayed heartily and headed out the door to my monday night class... and wouldn't you know, all i have left today is some muscular tension and a slight headache.  miracle of miracles!

i feel like i should give that banana some credit.  the texture in the smoothy was still rough, but it did it's job, and i couldn't be more excited. guess i'll keep them in the rotation.  ;)

so, i'm torn.  i don't know if i can commit to saying goodbye to fiber.  with a vita mix or blendtec, you get to keep all of that.  and grind up other things, too...  so anyway, last night, swami brought me his vita mix so that i can try it out.  we'll see how it goes. 

i'm so excited!

oh, and looking forward to the possibility of a juice party... another yoga instructor at the shala has TWO of her own juicers.  (one masticating and one centrifugal.)  i want to get all our devices together and juice the night away, coming up with different concoctions...  maybe make it a party?  i can't think of a better way to celebrate my golden birthday!

A Prayer of motivation and dedication.

- benjamin riggs, via elephant journal

that gwen stefani song is stuck in my head permanently

Since I was staying at my parents' house this week, I decided to take full advantage of their brand-new swanky kitchen and all it's amenities.  I made roasted pecan butter w maple syrup, vegan apple oatmeal cookies (FAIL), and banana nut bread. 

I guess I shouldn't say FAIL on the cookies.  I made dog treats, and they loved them.  It was just that my intention didn't start out that way.

I'll start with saying that bananas make me gag.  I can smell someone peeling a banana a mile away.  Don't even get me started on the texture.  hurl.  HOWEVER.  They are an excellent source of nutrition on many levels.  Therefore, I've started choking them down.  Usually, smothered in almond butter... so, I'm getting better about eating them.  The more you do it, the less difficult it becomes.

That being said, I've always loved banana nut bread.  I've made about a million recipes, and loved them all.  Here's the most recent, courtesy of Holy Cow Vegan.

I actually made 2 batches - and exchanged the canola oil for coconut oil in both (I like the subtle coconut flavor mixed with the apples & bananas... it's very tropical & summery).  The first time around, I used my Mom's mini-bundt pans, oiled with coco oil & sprinkled shredded coconut before adding the batter.  Instead of nuts, I added shredded coconut & dark chocolate chunks.  That's right... it was definitely groan worthy.  The second batch I made in the muffin pan, with only the oil as the adjustment.  I had one of those beauties for breakfast with my freshly juiced apple/grapefruit combo.  So far, this Friday's off to a delicious start.  ;P

Ingredients:

1 1/3 cup whole wheat pastry flour
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp baking powder
5 1/3 tbsp canola oil
2/3 cup sugar
1 tbsp molasses (optional)
2 tbsp powdered flax seeds mixed well with 6 tbsp water
1/4 cup applesauce
2 very ripe bananas, mashed
3/4 cup pecans, lightly toasted, then chopped

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees and oil a 8 1/2-inch by 4 1/2-inch loaf pan.

Mix the flour, salt, baking soda and baking powder in a bowl.
In a stand mixer or with a hand mixer, beat the oil and the sugar on high speed for about 2-3 minutes.
Beat in the flour until the mixture resembles brown sugar
Beat in the flax-water mixture and applesauce
Fold in the mashed bananas and chopped pecans.
Pour the batter into the loaf pan and spread evenly. Bake about 50-55 minutes until a toothpick inserted in the center of the loaf comes out clean.
Cool on a rack for about 10 minutes and then unmold and let cool completely on a rack.

i heart the dalai lama.

someone asked the dalai lama what surprises him most.

this was his response.

“Man, because he sacrifices his health in order to make money.

Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health.

And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present;

the result being that he does not live in the present or the future;

he lives as if he is never going to die,

and then he dies having never really lived.”

quote of the day

don't worry.

i'm here.

you're there.

that's fine.

- ingrid wendt

even though i'm feel that i am undeniably a bhakta, i feel that drawing wisdom from any source provided can help us grow and offer guidance along our path. there are so many similarities in the world's religions, i feel it only prudent to learn what i can, whenever i can, wherever i can...


so, this evening in class, i'll give a little talk before we begin - maybe start with a breathing meditation while i read what i've written - i want to write it down because my heart is so full i need to be sure i can deliver the message clearly, and sometimes my emotions rise up and my mind becomes flooded. tonight's class will be dedicated to my friend whose father passed unexpectedly last week, and i'll start with a reading from one of my favorite spiritual texts.


reading:

The Bhagavad Gita speaks of performing action without attachment to the results of that action. this is what we call non-attachment. [One who performs his duty without attachment, surrendering the results unto the Supreme God, is not affected by sinful action, as the lotus leaf is untouched by water. 5.10]


Non-attachment is a big theme in yoga.

Non-attachment means not having personal or selfish desires. Instead, for peace of mind, yoga advises to dedicate our actions and their results to benefit other creatures. That is practicing non-attachment.


I always remember the example of an apple tree which gives its fruits without expecting anything back. The apple tree is perfectly selfless. It’s not attached to the results. If someone likes the apples, great. If someone doesn’t, the tree will not be disturbed or lose its peace. The tree gives its fruit freely, without feeling it deserves anything in return.

We can learn from the apple tree.


I discovered that to keep the mind calm and free of worry, we must simply focus on our work in the present moment.


Every moment. Moment-to-moment.


Then, time disappears.


Our actions become perfect.


Our work becomes a selfless service and a form of meditation.


And now, let's take a moment here to dedicate our practice.


If you do not already have someone on your heart, then perhaps you may choose to dedicate your practice to the attenuation of the suffering of all beings. Whenever we return to samasthiti, return to your dedication.


Om, shanti, shanti, shantihi.

reassurance

sometimes, i just NEED to hear/read someone else tell me
"everything is going to be okay"
... and then i believe it a little more.

i don't know why that is. 
it's nothing new they're saying.
why do i want someone else to believe in me?
and why would i ever think someone could believe in me more than i believe in myself?

nothing has changed since yesterday.
i'm no more broke.
i'm no more alone.
i'm no less successful.

i am where i should be.
i am all that i should be.
i contain multitudes of untapped grace, faith, power and possibility.

(sometimes, i just get a little clouded...
the veil of this world makes my vision a little blurry...
and i get a little forgetful...)



a little shel to get through the day never hurts:

“Listen to the mustn'ts, child.
Listen to the don'ts.
Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts.
Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me...
Anything can happen, child.
Anything can be.”

weekend photos

betty on the way to pat & gary's..

friday night home practice

greenergy smoothie after saturday class & practice

(look at that gorgeous sky!)

it turned out to be a very nice weekend of house-sitting, movie watching (watched Ira & Abby - loved it!- and Jesus Camp - scary and totally biased), practicing, reading (Guruji) and eating way too much. and like a college student, i totally use my parents' house as a laundry mat.  ha.  ;)

i could really become addicted to that smoothie.

i told my folks i needed new pillows for my bday, but i really need a juicer.
time to start dropping really obvious hints...

resume writing

sucks.

it just does.

i know i 'need' a 'real' job.  (for now)

but seriously, when you find what you love to do, the suckiness of everything else becomes all the more apparent.

whatevs.

why can't i just teach yoga?

sati said i need to change my perspective... alter it so that i don't focus on the crapiness of working, but see it as a means to an end.

so... yeah... that's what i'm working toward...

i'd just so much rather be practicing my dvi pada sirsasana.  ;P

home sweet home

mysore w sati, part 1

dream, dream, dream, dreeeeee-eam

i had a dream that was so real last night that when my alarm went off (at 4-something) this morning, i thought i can't practice ashtanga today - i just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl merely hours ago (unwed, in a hotel bathroom, in labor for about 5 min. i named her jane.  she looked just like micole.  she was jp's baby, but who knows where he was.)  and so now i'm on maternity leave (obvs), so everyone would send me home if i went to work. i'll go back to sleep, i guess.



and then i rolled over, and it was 6:30. my place of employment is 14 miles away. my shift begins at 7.

i left my work badge at home, but i know where it is.

i do not know where my glasses are. :(

mondays, eh?




yesterday, as it turns out, was not a monday. niether was the day before. those days happened to fall on the weekend. those days were good.

saturday: taught 1 hr all levels flow, assisted my last mysore w sati (hopefully, it will turn out to NOT be my LAST), practiced (even did dropbacks alone), hung w my fam, retrieved miss betty from their care, chatted w roomie about the meaning and difficulties of "life", slept.


sunday: made it to full primary, went grocery shopping, washed clothes, cleaned, chatted w roomie, intense phone conversations w my yoga bud and w guy, had complete emotional breakdown, survived, napped, snuggled w miss betty, watched becoming jane, noshed on sweet potato/black bean deliciousness, gazed at sunset, missed jp terribly, slept.


overslept.


while very little reading was accomplished, updating my resume was forgotten and meditation did not happen, i think it was beautiful over all... now to play catch up on all those other things...

gainesville eats

briefly:  i have been traveling to gainesville every evening with my pal Dana to attend a week of Mysore with David Keil.  it's been amazing.  we've been trying out different lil eateries in the evenings, post-ashtanga.  (we've decided we deserve it after our grueling 2 hour asana practices.)

monday:  the jones
no picture, but D had a falafel burger & mint lemonade, i had their stop light sammy (goat cheese, roasted bell peppers, squash) & raspberry/rose petal iced tea.  we halved and swapped our sandwiches and enjoyed fresh summer fruit on the side.  it was divine.  lots of veggie/vegan options (including cupcakes!) and organic wines... there were a man and lady sitting on the bar - he was playing a ukulele, she was playing guitar & singing the good stuff - tom petty, fleetwood mac, etc.  we hope to go back tonight... maybe i'll actually get some photos.  ;)  [recommended by none other than DK.]

tuesday:  subway
they have avocado now!  and they didn't disappoint... we were in a hurry & tired, so we didn't much care that this one wasn't a 'special' place.  it was tasty, quick & healthy(ish).  you don't need a photo of my veggie sub, as good as it was.

wednesday:  burrito bros
oh.my.gah.  we both had the sweet potato burrito.  go there now.  i don't care where you are.  you can order them online.  do it.  you will thank yourself, and me, and the heavens above.  [recommended by my friend & fellow yogi, Danny.]



thursday:  satchel's
holy salad, batman.  this thing changed my life.  and the pizza hit the spot!  the crust was perfect.  it reignited my desire to learn to make the perfect pizza crust at home.  everyone (incl the restaurant themselves) says the food takes a long time to make, but because we got there so late, we didn't have to wait long at all.  we'd driven by this place several times & i kept oohing and aahing at the decor - strung lights, flora literally taking over, installation art in the parking lot and dripping from every corner of the place.  they have a broken down van with picnic tables installed in it.  so cute.  loved it.  just wish i had more pics.  [recommended by D's friend, Susie.]