maybe...

Maybe it did take a crisis to get to know yourself. Maybe you needed to get whacked hard by life before you understood what you wanted out of it.



Unknown

look what happens.

Even

After

All this time

The Sun never says to the Earth,

"You owe me."

Look

What happens

With a love like that,

It lights the whole sky.
- hafiz

repetition

some days are just like the ones before.

some days have an ongoing theme.

today is already the latter - thrice this morning i've stumbled upon the name charles bukowski.  so, here's a couple of words i'll borrow from him. 
let's see what the rest of today brings, yeah?

xo

“We're all going to die, all of us, what a circus!
That alone should make us love each other but it doesn't.
We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities, we are eaten up by nothing.”

[photo cred]

 

juice of the day:
"apples cover a multitude of greens"

3-4 stalks of celery
1.5 carrots
4-5 kale leaves
2 apples

(measurements are approx due to cutting of produce the evening before,
and blindly shoving things into juicer at ungodly hours of the morning.)

not in the mood for it today.  :(

love is a place...

love is a place

& through this place of
love move
(with brightness of peace)
all places

yes is a world
& in this world of
yes live
(skilfully curled)
all worlds


- ee cummings

goodnight, handsome

steve, my love for you will never fade.

i wish you peace and rest... 

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure — these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”



“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it.
Don’t settle.”

- the one and only, Steven Paul Jobs

juice of the day

honeydew (1/3 of whole)
spinach (2 c.)
basil (4-5 leaves)
water (2 c.).

get out of here.  it's so good. 

tomorrow i'm thinking of doing something with that beet i bought... or maybe i'll do another day of fruit.  who knows!



"by letting go it all gets done"
- lao-tzu

work

“The work you do while you procrastinate is probably the work you should be doing for the rest of your life.” -Jessica Hische

Oh, what's that?

reading about yoga practices?  yep.
researching nutrition?  yep.
working on all of that. 

with a bit of knitting on the side, just for kicks.

work? 
huh?
where?
alriiiiiight..  gah..



juice of the day: 

apples (4 tiny ones)
cucumber (1 med)
spinach (uh, some - 2.5 cups-ish)
water (1 c.)

totally addicted to whole grain (really grainy/seedy) bread, darkly toasted, with smooshed avocado & a couple of flecks of freshly cracked pepper.  knock-your-socks-off-good. 

and just while i'm thinking about it, i really hope i am the kind of mom who makes those things for her kid.  simple, delish, lovely, WHOLE foods.  i know it seems so much easier to throw tray of pizza rolls in the oven, but... i just hope...

p.s.  no pics of the pasta bc the leftovers were not as pretty.  or as good... maybe the only pasta in history that doesn't get better the next day?

GOD = LOVE

your task

is not to seek

for love,

but merely to seek

and find

all the barriers

within yourself

that you

have built

against it.

- rumi

[image]

"writing a BLOG"

don't push the river, it flows by itself.
- polish proverb



maybe it's just me, but i don't consider myself a "blogger".

i mean, i get that this is a web log.  clearly.  the host name alone won't let me forget it, eh?  but it's just funny/weird when i hear friends say "...on my/your blog". 

but at the same time, i often feel the urge to edit what i say or how i say it - simply because my words are being placed out there.  somewhere.

and then i try to remember that this is just a place for me to think out loud.  try to figure somethings out.  just a place for me to record a thought or two...  i've always been somewhat of a journal-er.  it's only ever been sporadic, just like my posting here.  i used to give myself a really hard time about it, and sometimes still do - whether it be about this place or even just my little 5-year diary.  "it's been 2 weeks since i wrote in my diary, i MUST be better about it".  but i think that for it to really be meaningful, it should be organic.  and just as in life, the thoughts and words come in spurts... an ebb and flow...  at times there seems to be so much to say, so many thoughts to think, so many quotes and moments to ponder, circumstances to digest...  and other times, there is only quiet.

the calm can be just as swollen with growth as the storm, if you listen.

i occasionally go back and read through old journals.  old web logs, too.  it's funny and silly to see my words as if for the first time.  it makes me wonder...

how i'll receive this post when i reread years from now.

and so, i am looking for my voice.  the real sounds of the thoughts that move through my skull.  i long to put all of that down somewhere - tangible.  to be revisited.  relived. 

it requires a new level of honesty.  a theme that is continually circling in my thoughts.  i feel like yoga is redefining what honesty means to me - beginning to show me things of myself that i haven't yet - seen?  acknowledged?  realized?  not sure what the right word would be here... 

i don't necessarily feel like i'm a LIAR.  i just want to be the most authentic i can be - in every possible moment.  to be present, transparent.

and yet mindful.

seems like such a contradiction sometimes, but i'd like to learn how to be so mindful that the authenticity is inevitable.

so, future ret (futuret - ha), when you read this, know that there will be times when i make a statement or express an idea that is in direct conflict with another thought i've uttered.  but it's all in an effort to grow.  a process i'm coming to see isn't linear.  not at all.  and so why should i experience this life as such?  i'm just going to go with it.  (well, i'll try to, anyway.)

random

i realized this morning that NO, my favorite grey sweater is not here or there - it's gone.  i lost it to the best weekend ever.  and i'm ok with that for a number of reasons.  a) if that's the worst thing that happens this week, meh.  2) who doesn't love shopping for a new cardi?  cardi's are the best.  that's why i have too many, and should never be allowed to purchase another.  unless something terribly unfortunate occurs, such as the loss of my fave grey one.  ha.  ;)

also, oscar, i love you.

new breakfast love:  flat out wrap w egg whites & tempeh bacon.  so friggin good & filling & hopefully will prevent the mid-morning snackage that's been more sugar than substance.  which reminds me, i am gonna give up sugar again one of these days.  i've never had a problem before, but these last 2 months have been crazy - filled with brownies and muffins and cakes - oh my!  (not to mention things i have convinced myself are healthy, thank you very much granola bars.)  friday is food day at work, so that's gonna be out the window.  i'm thinking of making gooey butter cake (sometimes known as chess bars/squares) or carrot (cup)cakes.  basically, something with cream cheese.  ya know, to keep it healthy.

i have so many topics i want to write about.  so many, in fact that none of them are happening.  go fig.

HAPPY HUMP DAY, LOVERS!

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”
- oscar wilde

scribbled

... on the back of some scrap paper in my purse:

i am committed

to the practice

of

LOVE.

this starts with

me.

with loving me.

the Buddha says

"You yourself,

as much as anybody in the entire universe,

deserve your love and affection."

i do.

i deserve my love.

how is this such a novel concept?

let's all put this into practice,

shall we?

xo

confession: the present

so much i happening.
and i find that i am planning for the future and "trying to get things ready".

i do this all the time.

avoid the present to live in the future:
"it is all going to work out."

i am grasping for what we will become. 
to the moment when i'll fall asleep listening to the rhythm of his breath.

i'm clinging to the past with white-knuckled-locked-tighter-than-tight-fists.
to the memory of seeing his eyes sparkle when he laughs.

i kid myself into believing that these ways of thinking make these moments
- this moment -
that we are apart... easier?

and yet, i know i am causing myself suffering.

not because i am missing him so desperately.
but because i'm robbing myself of this.moment.

and that is all i have. 
it is all any of us has.

i'm working on it, yeah?

xo

“One day at a time--this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering."

p.s.  still working toward getting my prereqs inline for the college deal.  ;)

siddhasana

"just as moderate diet is the most important of the yamas, and non-violence, of the niyamas, so the siddhas know that siddhasana is the most important of the asanas."  hatha yoga pradipika 1:38

finally starting the process of going back to school.  again.  this time, with a goal in mind.  :)

go for it

I have learned, that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams,

and endeavors to live the life he has imagined,

he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.

- Henry David Thoreau

'the goal'

The goal

is to cultivate in our hearts the concern a dedicated mother feels for her child,

and then focus it on more and more people and living beings.

This is a heartfelt, powerful love.

Such feelings give us a true understanding of human rights

that is not grounded just in legal terms,

but rooted deeply in

the heart.

- his holiness, the 14th Dalai Lama

  

(reposted from elephant journal)



the road not taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

- robert frost

the classics are the best.

A Prayer of motivation and dedication.

- benjamin riggs, via elephant journal

i heart the dalai lama.

someone asked the dalai lama what surprises him most.

this was his response.

“Man, because he sacrifices his health in order to make money.

Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health.

And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present;

the result being that he does not live in the present or the future;

he lives as if he is never going to die,

and then he dies having never really lived.”

quote of the day

don't worry.

i'm here.

you're there.

that's fine.

- ingrid wendt

bhakti love - to you, to all

The bhakti path winds in a delicate way.

On this path there is no asking and no not asking.
The ego simply disappears the moment you touch
him.

The joy of looking for him is so immense that you
just dive in,
and coast around like a fish in the water.
If anyone needs a head, the lover leaps up to offer
his.

- kabir