Saturday, July 30, 2011

weekend photos

betty on the way to pat & gary's..

friday night home practice

greenergy smoothie after saturday class & practice
(look at that gorgeous sky!)


it turned out to be a very nice weekend of house-sitting, movie watching (watched Ira & Abby - loved it!- and Jesus Camp - scary and totally biased), practicing, reading (Guruji) and eating way too much. and like a college student, i totally use my parents' house as a laundry mat.  ha.  ;)

i could really become addicted to that smoothie.

i told my folks i needed new pillows for my bday, but i really need a juicer.
time to start dropping really obvious hints...

Friday, July 29, 2011

resume writing

sucks.

it just does.

i know i 'need' a 'real' job.  (for now)

but seriously, when you find what you love to do, the suckiness of everything else becomes all the more apparent.

whatevs.

why can't i just teach yoga?

sati said i need to change my perspective... alter it so that i don't focus on the crapiness of working, but see it as a means to an end.

so... yeah... that's what i'm working toward...

i'd just so much rather be practicing my dvi pada sirsasana.  ;P

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Monday, July 25, 2011

dream, dream, dream, dreeeeee-eam

i had a dream that was so real last night that when my alarm went off (at 4-something) this morning, i thought i can't practice ashtanga today - i just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl merely hours ago (unwed, in a hotel bathroom, in labor for about 5 min. i named her jane.  she looked just like micole.  she was jp's baby, but who knows where he was.)  and so now i'm on maternity leave (obvs), so everyone would send me home if i went to work. i'll go back to sleep, i guess.



and then i rolled over, and it was 6:30. my place of employment is 14 miles away. my shift begins at 7.

i left my work badge at home, but i know where it is.

i do not know where my glasses are. :(

mondays, eh?




yesterday, as it turns out, was not a monday. niether was the day before. those days happened to fall on the weekend. those days were good.

saturday: taught 1 hr all levels flow, assisted my last mysore w sati (hopefully, it will turn out to NOT be my LAST), practiced (even did dropbacks alone), hung w my fam, retrieved miss betty from their care, chatted w roomie about the meaning and difficulties of "life", slept.


sunday: made it to full primary, went grocery shopping, washed clothes, cleaned, chatted w roomie, intense phone conversations w my yoga bud and w guy, had complete emotional breakdown, survived, napped, snuggled w miss betty, watched becoming jane, noshed on sweet potato/black bean deliciousness, gazed at sunset, missed jp terribly, slept.


overslept.


while very little reading was accomplished, updating my resume was forgotten and meditation did not happen, i think it was beautiful over all... now to play catch up on all those other things...

Friday, July 22, 2011

gainesville eats

briefly:  i have been traveling to gainesville every evening with my pal Dana to attend a week of Mysore with David Keil.  it's been amazing.  we've been trying out different lil eateries in the evenings, post-ashtanga.  (we've decided we deserve it after our grueling 2 hour asana practices.)

monday:  the jones
no picture, but D had a falafel burger & mint lemonade, i had their stop light sammy (goat cheese, roasted bell peppers, squash) & raspberry/rose petal iced tea.  we halved and swapped our sandwiches and enjoyed fresh summer fruit on the side.  it was divine.  lots of veggie/vegan options (including cupcakes!) and organic wines... there were a man and lady sitting on the bar - he was playing a ukulele, she was playing guitar & singing the good stuff - tom petty, fleetwood mac, etc.  we hope to go back tonight... maybe i'll actually get some photos.  ;)  [recommended by none other than DK.]

tuesday:  subway
they have avocado now!  and they didn't disappoint... we were in a hurry & tired, so we didn't much care that this one wasn't a 'special' place.  it was tasty, quick & healthy(ish).  you don't need a photo of my veggie sub, as good as it was.

wednesday:  burrito bros
oh.my.gah.  we both had the sweet potato burrito.  go there now.  i don't care where you are.  you can order them online.  do it.  you will thank yourself, and me, and the heavens above.  [recommended by my friend & fellow yogi, Danny.]



thursday:  satchel's
holy salad, batman.  this thing changed my life.  and the pizza hit the spot!  the crust was perfect.  it reignited my desire to learn to make the perfect pizza crust at home.  everyone (incl the restaurant themselves) says the food takes a long time to make, but because we got there so late, we didn't have to wait long at all.  we'd driven by this place several times & i kept oohing and aahing at the decor - strung lights, flora literally taking over, installation art in the parking lot and dripping from every corner of the place.  they have a broken down van with picnic tables installed in it.  so cute.  loved it.  just wish i had more pics.  [recommended by D's friend, Susie.]




Thursday, July 21, 2011

huh?

sometimes i feel:
chubby
lonely
weak
unattractive
undisciplined
too serious
unintelligent
haughty
depressed
poor
unaccomplished
uneducated
overwhelmed
like a complete failure
disheartened


... and then i remember:
everything is temporary
beauty is not appearance
i am valuable
i am strong
i am a work in progress
i am love
i am loved
i survive
i have all my fingers and toes
(and the ability to roll my tongue)
i am inhabited by God; i am His dwelling
i must empty to become filled


and i remind myself of things that make this life truly beautiful:
vanilla, chamomile, lavender
windows down, music up
writing
a page turning
discovering new likes/loves
learning
whole grain bread + goat cheese + honey
yoga
banjos and harmonicas
freshly shampooed pup
heated debates & bouts of laughter
the rising sun
loose leaf tea
poetry & classical literature
meditation & chanting
antique books
candle light
hugs
being read to
fresh summer fruit
the sound, smell, taste, touch & sight of rain
the pause before a kiss
hand-knits



today makes little sense.
i'm going with it.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

bhakti love - to you, to all















The bhakti path winds in a delicate way.

On this path there is no asking and no not asking.
The ego simply disappears the moment you touch
him.

The joy of looking for him is so immense that you
just dive in,
and coast around like a fish in the water.
If anyone needs a head, the lover leaps up to offer
his.

- kabir

Monday, July 18, 2011

where do you search me

i feel a deepening urge to search. 
a thirst for knowledge,
not of the head,
but deeper.

in my belly.


i'm engulfed with a sense of something...
looming?


many emails written, unsent.
many of them sent, but even still, unfinished.
the necessary things have been clarified.

rightfully so.

sometimes space is needed so that we may grow to fill the space.
sometimes it's wanted so that we feel able to breathe again.

i want this space,
this time,
this opportunity
to grow
my faith.

i am weak, but Thou art strong.


Where do you search me?
I am with you
Not in pilgrimage, nor in icons
Neither in solitudes
Not in temples, nor in mosques
Neither in Kaba nor in Kailash
I am with you O man
I am with you
Not in prayers, nor in meditation
Neither in fasting
Not in yogic exercises
Neither in renunciation
Neither in the vital force nor in the body
Not even in the ethereal space
Neither in the womb of Nature
Not in the breath of the breath
Seek earnestly and discover
In but a moment of search
Says Kabir, Listen with care

Where your faith is, I am there.


- kabir

Sunday, July 17, 2011

holding on

We need, in love, to practice only this:
letting each other go.

For holding on comes easily;
we do not need to learn it.

-rainer maria rilke

Saturday, July 16, 2011

'tired of speaking sweetly'

Love wants to reach out and manhandle us,
Break all our teacup talk of God.

If you had the courage and
Could give the Beloved His choice, some nights,
He would just drag you around the room
By your hair,
Ripping from your grip all those toys in the world
That bring you no joy.

Love sometimes gets tired of speaking sweetly
And wants to rip to shreds
All your erroneous notions of truth

That make you fight within yourself, dear one,
And with others,

Causing the world to weep
On too many fine days.

God wants to manhandle us,
Lock us inside of a tiny room with Himself
And practice His dropkick.

The Beloved sometimes wants
To do us a great favor:

Hold us upside down
And shake all the nonsense out.

But when we hear
He is in such a “playful drunken mood”
Most everyone I know
Quickly packs their bags and hightails it
Out of town.

-hafiz

Friday, July 15, 2011

practice

Swami Tyagananda begins all of his talks this way, and i find it beautiful, inspirational, helpful... etc.  i'd like to return back to this more frequently.  today i'll see how often i can do that.  :)  it's friday, after all.  what better way to celebrate the end of the work week than wishing all beings happiness and freedom. 

may all be happy and healthy
may all see what is good and may no one experience misery.
may all overcome their obstacles and acquire good tendencies.
may people everywhere find joy and fulfillment.

let us now spend some time touching the center of peace and joy in our heart.

a good way to begin the practice is to withdraw the scattered energies of the mind and bring them to rest on one point.
that point can be our own breathing.

let us therefore practicing breathing with awareness.

as we breathe in let us visualize that our body and mind are being filled with love, strength and compassion
and as we breathe out let us release all the stress, anxiety and exhaustion in the body and mind.

let us practice this way for a while.

let us now turn our attention to the region of our heart.
although the God is present everywhere and in everyone the Divine Presence can be felt most clearly in our hearts.
we can meditate in any way we have been taught.
to remain focused we can take the help of a short mental prayer or a mantra or a divine name.

let us now spend some time dwelling on the presence of God in our hearts.

i carry your heart

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

- e e cummings

i had this framed on the wall of my last apartment.  if i had the room in the room i'm renting it'd be up now.  i think i'll find a way to hang it again...

Thursday, July 14, 2011

:hugs:

millions and millions of years
would still not give me half enough time
to describe that tiny instant of all eternity
when you put your arms around me
and i put my arms around you.
- jacques prevert
 
i know there's been more quotes than posts, but i'm so full and so empty at the same time... while he's still mine and i'm still his, the physical void is palpable.

joshua radin is ripping my heart out with a grapefruit spoon these days.  and i can't stop listening.  it's lines like this that kill me and keep me coming back for more:  "It hasnt felt like this before, it hasnt felt like home before you.  And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel this way; and I miss you more than I should, than I thought I could.  I can't get my mind off of you."

arrrruuugh. 

even though i wouldn't be seeing his face right now anyway, the knowledge that it's impossible just feels like sandpaper on a sunburn.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

...on love, again. it's an ongoing theme.

“But you have an idea of love; that idea is creating trouble – not love itself, but the idea. The idea is that, in love, lovers disappear into each other, dissolve into each other. Yes, there are moments of dissolution – but this is the beauty of life and all that is existential: that when lovers dissolve into each other, the same are the moments when they become very conscious, very alert. That dissolution is not a kind of drunkenness, that dissolution is not unconscious. It brings great consciousness, it releases great awareness. On the one hand they are dissolved – on the other hand for the first time they see their utter beauty in being alone. The other defines them, their aloneness; they define the other. And they are grateful to each other. It is because of the other that they have been able to see their own selves; the other has become a mirror in which they are reflected. Lovers are mirrors to each other. Love makes you aware of your original face."


“Hence, it looks very contradictory, paradoxical, when stated in such a way: “Love brings aloneness.” You were thinking all along that love brings togetherness. I am not saying that it does not bring togetherness, but unless you are alone you cannot be together. Who is going to be together? Two persons are needed to be together, two independent persons are needed to be together. A togetherness will be rich, infinitely rich, if both the persons are utterly independent. If they are dependent on each other, it is not a togetherness – it is a slavery, it is a bondage.

“If they are dependent on each other, clinging, possessive, if they don’t allow each other to be alone, if they don’t allow each other space enough to grow, they are enemies, not lovers; they are destructive to each other, they are not helping each other to find their souls, their beings. What kind of love is this? It may be just fear of being alone; hence they are clinging to each other. But real love knows no fear. Real love is capable of being alone, utterly alone, and out of that aloneness grows a togetherness.“

the Dhammapada

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

dr. seuss

Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.

we are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.

Monday, July 11, 2011

more shel

i love this guy.
he's a genius.

one day, i'll read his books to my kids as i tuck them into bed at night.
i've always dreamed of this moment.
even when i was a child myself.
even as i am a child myself.


HUG O'WAR

I will not play at tug o' war.
I'd rather play at hug o' war,
Where everyone hugs
Instead of tugs,
Where everyone giggles
And rolls on the rug,
Where everyone kisses,
And everyone grins,
And everyone cuddles,
And everyone wins.
 
- shel silverstein

Friday, July 1, 2011

stolen.

Date a Girl Who Reads by Rosemarie Urquico


Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas, and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by God, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.


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